Sunday, July 30, 2006

Am I a begger? Am I a leader?

This was the question I woke up with this morning... after a 12 hour sleep. This is a direct result in the events of last week...

It was a trying week - one that has drained much of my energy. A pre-launch product training- albeit an extremely successful one, which was unfortunately out of the expectations of my ultimate boss, who expected a full launch. A conniving CEO of the other company I am involved in, who has nothing better to do than to find ways to politically undermine my position.

On top of that, another project that I am involved in... I kinda let my enthusiasm got ahead of me... and I started to badly want a piece of the pie.

So what am I? Am I a begger? or am I a leader?
Should I go forward and assert myself to the people in my office - going directly into war with these people or should I try the path of discretion...

Should I continue to work hard in a project close to my heart but am feeling left out? or should I press my suit forward?

Tough questions for a Sunday...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Expressions... expressions...

Its 1:35 am and I have just completed an entry into this wonderful new blog coming up - the RSD blog that will record the journey of the RSD team. If you are unfamiliar with RSD - it is a Remarkable, Superb and Dynamic project we are currently working on *grin - yeap I am corny!*

The link is rite here

This just came to me right after my post on RSD - I realised that I sound so much more Christian in my writings than when I am talking. I have, to my knowledge, what I would call as a muted personality when it comes to expressing my Christian ideas in person. This is far far different when it comes to expressing myself in type or rather in writing.

I guess this is the way I express myself to you, God - using the written media as a canvas that shall paint to the world your Grace in my life and how much of my life you are in...

Talking about expressions - I garnered today how controlling one's expressions are important especially in public functions.

Tonight I and the other members of our Team Juvenescens (the current project I am working on at - where else? - Work) has finally launched a soft launch into the market. What I can say is that it was a good effort and I would personally applaud everyone involved in this project for the way it is conducted, the success that it is...

However, it has indeed came to my attention the sour face, the bad expression, the complaints, the head shaking and the disparaging comment of ONE particular boss of ours (one least involved or motivated by this project) - and openly in the event! Yes, *sacartiscally* after this performance my respect for you have multiplied manifold (please note the sacarsm) - as you have shown to me once again how not to run a company - how best to belittle another's effort and how NOT to be a boss! Oh, behold the pride of this one person that his way is the one and only way...

Nevertheless, I forgive you (in earnest, although still with a degree of anger) and I pray for God to show His Grace to you so that one day you may show that Grace back to the people that work for you.

In the end, I pray that one day someone will have the courage to reach to you about the Good News - and that you may see neverending unrequited love and unlimited grace. I pray that God shall protect the people that work under you - that they will be shown the grace that has been lacking - and that one day that same grace shall flow from your hands.

But He gives more grace.
Therefore He says:

“ God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

James 4:5-7 (New King James Version)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Memoirs of a Homegrown Roadside Terrorist...

No... Contrary to what you are thinking at the moment - I am not about to pick up a bomb and rush into the nearest western hotel to blow it up...

Although the very picture of an Oversized, Malaysian Chinese Christian Terrorist sounds so out of this world that it makes me crack up...

I am talking about my Driving... or rather the Terror in my driving.

My frens - who I shall decline to name - have been telling me that my driving is getting quite bad... but 1st let me regale you the tale of 1 glorious morning of driving in KL...

My work place is in an industrial area about an hour from my abode. As such I have to get thru 4 highways.. actually 5 highway stretches of which sits an infinite number of fellow malaysian drivers - being a long and often boring journey I decided to take statistics... for that particular day...

1) 12 cars cut into my lane without an indication
2) 26 cars refused to allow me into their lane even when I have set up my indicator
3) On 7 occasions cars hogged the fast lane (i.e. travel really slowly and refusing to move to an empty slower lane

which make me do the following

1) Speed up 12 times denied 12 cars from entering my lane without indication
2) Accelerated over 26 cars once I hit a clear stretch of road
3) On 7 occasions I switched lanes and overtake from the left - twice swinging across 2 lanes...

Hmmmm....
I think I am getting a wee too much on defensive aggressive driving

Friday, July 21, 2006

Changing of the Page...

Hmmm - 3 posts and counting *grin*

I have decided to change the tired dull look of my blog into something - more classical. I am actually inspired by parchment, wax seals and everything that have this archiac look - call me a hopeless romantic but nevertheless they look really nice.

More is on the way - I have a couple of rantings on the way - I will try to get it up by today.

Catching up on the latest...

1) World Cup Fever is over but I have thing unusual compulsion to head over to a friend's place for a match - in fact I am rather itching to watch any football on the (relatively) big screen again... *sigh* I think I am going to be depressed...

2) Insanity... so close... work is driving me insane...

*grin*

Writing Diarrhoea

2 posts in one day (actually technically 2)? Wow, it must be something I ate.

It is actually 3am in the morning and at this moment - I am still wide awake... it is rather unfortunate as I have to be at work at 9am tomorrow with work and deadlines looming - life at the moment seems to have an unseemly urgency to it. One can imagine the sword of Damocles hanging over one's head...

All I can say is that my life lacks focus... kinda like my blog - and the stuttering way my blog seems to move... a total lack of direction. What makes me realises this? Remarkably the events in the past 6 days...

Let me recap,
1) Last Saturday, me and some high-school / really old friends met up for a cookout at a friend's place...
2) Last Sunday, was rather unremarkable - with the exception that I followed my mum down to the city and actually walked down the entire length of Petaling Street to get her her incense...
3) Last Monday, work was bad... until the evening when I brought one of my closer friends, his headcaster to meet my colleague and her friend - who happens to be in the F&B / Entertainment Business... the topic at hand was an upcoming movie...
4) Last Tuesday, I fell sick - with a tremendous headache, flu, fever and sore throat - reverted back to porridge and marmite for the 1st time in yonks...
5) Last Wednesday, I went up in flames at the dastardly pace and culture at work. Look the the gigantic mountain that is the work about to be due - raises fist to an uncaring sky...
6) Last Thursday, Flames at work continue - deadlines tomorrow, morons everywhere. Between meetings - looked at potential property. Went to starbucks - restarted blogging. Met up with my best friend over dinner - recap history, reiterated ideals and dreams - met up with a friend of a friend - talked about investment and the future...

Which brings me to this 3:12 am (12 minutes into this post): What is my direction? I have realised the following (in direct reference to the days above)

1) I miss my friends - we don't hang out as much anymore. I miss my girlfriend terribly - I have not have a decent convo with her for weeks, our schedules and time zones being major obstacles.
2) Malaysia is too hot.
3) I admire my friend for his courage of chasing his dreams, gratified that he chose to share it with us, proud to make it one of my own.
4) I hate being sick - I love being away from work. Marmite & Porridge tastes good!
5) Refer to 4). I hate work!
6) I really really need to have a direction to go forward.

So that brings me to? Where?

I must be insane to be up at 3am writing this. This is indeed a rambling and I am probably the maddest cow in the world...

3:16 am: God so loved this world that he gave his one and only son to die so that we who believe in Him may live... and have everlasting life

*grin* I am content.
Tomorrow will be a better day (albeit probably with a headache, 1hr drive to work and eye bags and my girlfriend waking me up at 7am).

3:25 am: And a house divided against itself, the house cannot stand

*sigh* I really need to chart my course.
Tomorrow I shall have to think hard - about my work, my interests in Architecture, my heart 1,000s of miles away in the other end of the world, my 'ownership' of a Really Strong Desire, my finances and my future.

3:30 am: He must increase, but I must decrease

*smile* I shall pray...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Picking up the pen?

"it is once said that life is a long train journey... all of us clutching a class 2 ticket between our thumb and our index finger. The journey can be ardous, it can be monotonous, it can be... tiring and trying - the aircon breaks down... or a particularly beautiful lady will deign to sit beside your hard seat for a little while. A journey punctuated by train stations - where the people you have contact with in your carriage gets on and off..."

Woken out of my reverie by the calling of my name (by the nice barista behind the counter @ Starbucks in Plaza Damas - 20:20 hours on the 20th of July 2006), I wondered thereafter who actually said that - only to have a sudden realisation that I wrote that similar passage for my high school yearbook - not in similar words but rather the entire idea of our life being a train ride - with stations to punctuated the journey - stations with names like "Going to High School", "Leaving High School", "1st Love" and "1st breakup"... I just have to smile at myself...

It has been almost 10 years since I passed the station I mentioned all those years ago - since 1997 - and I wondered what other stations have I passed thru to get to where I am today... "Going to A Levels", "Graduating A Levels", "1st Date", "1st Prom", "University", "Accepting Christ", "3 year long obsession", "end of 3 year long obsession", "Love...", "Be Loved...", "Leaving Australia", "Homecoming..." and many many more little ones in between...

I can't help but to realise what a big web my life has been... my 'train' crisscrossing the landscape that is humanity - and I cannot realise how much has everyone... and God have given me...

I am truly awed...

and besides - it was that moment that I remembered this portal of expression of His goodness *grin* and I shall pick up the pen once again... hopefully this time it will stay in my hands for a long time...