Friday, September 21, 2007

...Passionate about everything... and nothing at all

I always fail in the concept of consistency...
My heart and mind are both inconsistent...
Within and without...

I am inconsistent in my blogging
in my philosophy...
in my interest...

I am scientific, yet kinda artsy
I define idealism - yet I compromised faith and principles
I strode down the path of righteousness, yet dogged by side trips into the alleyways of the wicked...

I love moderation, yet excited by radicalism
I am a capitalist - yet I hold social ideals
I belong in the world of western thought and western ways - but cling to my eastern tradition and long for equilibrium in the eastern thought

I love the morning, adore the night
I quote shakesphere, wilde, virgil and confucius - but expresses profanities to many who crosses me in my path
I listen to Rachmanikov, Beethoven & Dvorak - together with Metallica, Beyond & Pink
I believe in ascendency of humanity, but worry about our godlessness
I revel in high technology - but feel comforted by simple pen and paper

I attend church and go to cell - but lives in a house of idols, alone in the darkness
I speak of christian principles, yet conveniently forget them when it suits me
I shout for the Lord to come on Sundays, but have no time for Him from Mondays to Saturdays...

I am confident, yet holds a great doubt in my heart
I am filial - giving up my dreams for my family, but holds them responsible for the destruction of my aspirations
I love to be challenged by my companion, but longs for someone who accepts my every move
I am capable of great love, but I fear the darkness I can bring to bear

I am inconsistent... ever changing...
Without root - without foundation...

Who am I? What am I?
I am human... and my heart is heavy
I am human... but my arms are tired
I am human... with a million opposing thoughts clashing in my head...

But in this clarity of the night - in this moment of despair... one thing rings out that comforts me...

"LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." -Psalm 18:2

Amen.