...commitments & obligations...

Once again I am using this space to express emotions and feelings that are best left in the woods... but this seems - in the darkest of nights, in this most gloomy of morning - the one and only recourse.

My thoughts span the world... from Ireland to Melbourne, from Kuala Lumpur to Eberbach in Germany, from Bangi to Shah Alam, from Damansara to Bukit Jalil (yeah... not really spanning the world - but close enough)... Life is indeed complicated.

God tells us that we cannot serve two masters - that we are not of this world but only living in it for His name. But it is the world part that gives me the biggest problems - as both my heart & head is serving two masters at the same time. I don't want to explain the salient details - nothing juicy about it but family, career & love occupies most of my mind at the moment.

Funny enough - it is the physical pain in my stomach when I woke up this morning that set my mind clearer today than it was yesterday. I made up my mind this morning to be fair to all that is involved and but with a difference... I need to do it in my own way and by my own judgement and my own desires and dreams. I will not abandon anyone or anything and will not regret anything that has happened since last Friday and Saturday. I will only look onto God for guidance - and for the next three weeks I need to set my mind free to think about everything and everyone, and make my decision solely on His wisdom and strength...

Sounds easy enough - but it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - It will be hard to acknowledge that only God is my helmsman and let him steer the ship but I shall pray thus...

Lord, lead me to a quiet place with no distractions, remove my hands from the tiller - pry if away if you need to... and steer this lost ship to the shores of Your KINGDOM - so that I can be whole again and bring abundance and grace to everyone - just as I have Your grace and Your abundance.

And all God's people say... AMEN!!!